Self-search

Solitude and self-search go hand in hand. There is really no way that someone set to do some self-search won't be solitudinary. You can think of discovering oneself only after you have reduced yourself to just yourself, and not anybody else.

But solitude itself is only a facilitator, not a goal. I find that realization of self itself is an illusion. Its only through emotions and feelings how I might realise myself. Still there is no inherent truth in the realization of self per se. Self is formed of emotions which the mind has little control over. Self is not about truth. Denial of self is where the truth lies.

So, in a nutshell, self-search leads to solitude, solitude leads to introspection, and an honest introspection shall deny the self. This is not a contradiction. Niether the solitude nor the self, converge to cipher. Humans live with a mix of both. One who has completely denied the self, is above all pain and joy.

I am still not there yet, I think i am lonely, yet I feel as one with everyone; I might be in dilemmas within myself, but I am at peace with the world around me; I am lost in my own world, yet I find my way out in the world. I don't feel any sense of contradiction, for I have probably overcome a fundamental one.

a little something about myself

I have a very low self-esteem, and partly because of that, a very high level of tolerance.

Advantages-
1. It doesn't really hurt, if you call me a piece of shit.
2. I am not afraid of being honest, because I always got nothing to lose.
3. I feel like there is always space for development of myself. I can always improve myself, in whatever I do. I am kinda good at a lot of things I do, but not that good (or its my low self-esteem, i guess)

Disadvantages-
1. I feel that there is very little I can do to change the world. I feel weak, miserable, although only very few times.
2. I have no social status, and I really don't want to have one. I think a minimal being that I am, doesn't even deserve one. that actually causes me running away from social gatherings.