Know thyself
Monday, December 27, 2004
Matthew 7:21-22
"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,'shall enter the the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.'"
Matthew 7:21-22 (NKJ)
Matthew 7:21-22 (NKJ)
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Movies List
The list of movies watched this winter-break
1. Veronica Guerkin
2. Bourne Supremacy
3. Cinema Paradiso
4. Adaptation
5. Luther
6. Pulp Fiction
7. Going South
8. Thin red line
9. Spring Summer Fall Winter
10. Cider House Rules
11. Polar Express
12. Nostalghia (Tarkovsky)
13. Driving Miss Daisy
14. Moby Dick
15. Way Home(Korean)
16. Stalker(Tarkovsky)
17. Les Triplettes de Belleville
18. Vera Drake
19. Finding Neverland
I know many of these are old movies, but then, I am clearing my backlog.
Still on the wish list
1. King Arthur
2. Terminal
3. Oceans 12
4. The motorcycle diaries
5. Maria Full of Grace
and I know both of these lists are gonna grow.
1. Veronica Guerkin
2. Bourne Supremacy
3. Cinema Paradiso
4. Adaptation
5. Luther
6. Pulp Fiction
7. Going South
8. Thin red line
9. Spring Summer Fall Winter
10. Cider House Rules
11. Polar Express
12. Nostalghia (Tarkovsky)
13. Driving Miss Daisy
14. Moby Dick
15. Way Home(Korean)
16. Stalker(Tarkovsky)
17. Les Triplettes de Belleville
18. Vera Drake
19. Finding Neverland
I know many of these are old movies, but then, I am clearing my backlog.
Still on the wish list
1. King Arthur
2. Terminal
3. Oceans 12
4. The motorcycle diaries
5. Maria Full of Grace
and I know both of these lists are gonna grow.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Exams going
Life sucks while exams are on... There is no reason why you feel you should show a bunch of finicky professors, that you "really" deserve to go to the next semester. There should be no exams, I say.
The education system in US is good, but you should be judged on basis of what you do throughout the year, what you do when you are posed a "real" problem and so on. The system is lot better than most all over the world, but it still needs imrovement.
Raghu says this system won't improve unless there is one professor to monitor every student. The kind of training a train-driver gives to the next potential train driver would be the best. In fact thats how any educational degree should be seen...probably!
The education system in US is good, but you should be judged on basis of what you do throughout the year, what you do when you are posed a "real" problem and so on. The system is lot better than most all over the world, but it still needs imrovement.
Raghu says this system won't improve unless there is one professor to monitor every student. The kind of training a train-driver gives to the next potential train driver would be the best. In fact thats how any educational degree should be seen...probably!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
What is Awakening
Somehow, things are suddenly looking pleasant and promising... and this staunch-uncompromosing pessimist myself is giving up to hope and optimism. This must be just a dream, well yeah, hope and optimism are but a dream. Who denies it...fine, let it be that I am dreaming ( again? )
Last year, I was in the stage, where progress seemed like perdition, my existence was a denial of the fact that nobody "actually" progresses. That still holds, but somehow, I feel I can't afford to impact my lifestyle by the fact.
Not long ago, improving oneself, seemed to have no philosophical significance, it still hasn't ..but who cares? philosophy doesn't give me food to eat, afterall. I have to rise in the morning, go to work, earn money to feed myself. That need not be very philosophical. Right...I don't need to deny philosophy if I stop philosophizing for a while. I would still be the same, its hard not to be philosophizing at all, but why denigrate one's own life for thinking over what others should do, for having expectations from people who really don't give a damn, who don't even have the basic conscience.
At some stage, long back, I was a person who never failed any expectations. I always did more than what I was expected to. I pressed myself hard for it. The next stage was that of betrayal of emotions... I didn't know what and for whom I was doing all that for. People who seemed to have expectations from me, turned into devils who only seemed to be manipulating me. I was expected to defeat people, to win over others, show off what I had, to my own people and I really didn't have any reasons for competing with my own people ( yeah right! the Gita jnana I received so early ;) ). Then was the birth of this new Anurag, thinking about systems a la "sarvebhavantusukhinah" observing and asserting intelligence to be a social property and not individual. I was one who hated people who took money as their first choice. Obviously, it wasn't too long when I started hating everyone, even myself, who can't avoid living with such 'useless' people.
Expectations, which didn't mean a thing to me now, saw me giving up to everything. I still don't believe in achieving something individually. It is unbelievable how i have changed. It was me who loved the taste of being victorious, being successful despite all blockades. It all got screwed up when i wanted to find what I am being happy for. I thought I got into a Buddhistic inrospection, and got fucked by everyone around. When I hated myself, everyone around me seemed happy, and I was not, because I chose to think and to understand. So was my misery that even a beggar looked fortunate to me...
Should I call this an awakening, nah...theres only one darn sense in which I take the word "awakening" now. It looks like a new idea, an optimism a la the New World economy, where everyone has hope, equal rights, equal standing sans boundaries to contribute to the world as a whole, and not some hate-campaign.
I know this has no meaning, once taking an analytical stance. It really doesn't make any 'real' sense. These are just feelings, agreed, but I can't be devoid of feelings even while I am analysing. So, why screw up, why live in darkness, why not have positive feelings, instead?
Lets assert myself, I am a liar, I am highly prejudiced, I have no judgement, I lack analysis, fine! You won't be a human if you stop being one of the above...afterall, the so-called humans are nothing but a blend of every flavor of what I don't want to be.
Lets see, if I can accept myself the way I am, and not regret about what I am not, or what I couldn't be, what I need not be... I wish to stop worrying and do whatever I can to bring change towards somewhere. I need not be so sure about where would it all head to.. lets choose a path and carry on.
Right!, there is no 'real' change in me nor is it going to be, it 'feels' different right now, and I wanna live that feeling for as long as I can.
Last year, I was in the stage, where progress seemed like perdition, my existence was a denial of the fact that nobody "actually" progresses. That still holds, but somehow, I feel I can't afford to impact my lifestyle by the fact.
Not long ago, improving oneself, seemed to have no philosophical significance, it still hasn't ..but who cares? philosophy doesn't give me food to eat, afterall. I have to rise in the morning, go to work, earn money to feed myself. That need not be very philosophical. Right...I don't need to deny philosophy if I stop philosophizing for a while. I would still be the same, its hard not to be philosophizing at all, but why denigrate one's own life for thinking over what others should do, for having expectations from people who really don't give a damn, who don't even have the basic conscience.
At some stage, long back, I was a person who never failed any expectations. I always did more than what I was expected to. I pressed myself hard for it. The next stage was that of betrayal of emotions... I didn't know what and for whom I was doing all that for. People who seemed to have expectations from me, turned into devils who only seemed to be manipulating me. I was expected to defeat people, to win over others, show off what I had, to my own people and I really didn't have any reasons for competing with my own people ( yeah right! the Gita jnana I received so early ;) ). Then was the birth of this new Anurag, thinking about systems a la "sarvebhavantusukhinah" observing and asserting intelligence to be a social property and not individual. I was one who hated people who took money as their first choice. Obviously, it wasn't too long when I started hating everyone, even myself, who can't avoid living with such 'useless' people.
Expectations, which didn't mean a thing to me now, saw me giving up to everything. I still don't believe in achieving something individually. It is unbelievable how i have changed. It was me who loved the taste of being victorious, being successful despite all blockades. It all got screwed up when i wanted to find what I am being happy for. I thought I got into a Buddhistic inrospection, and got fucked by everyone around. When I hated myself, everyone around me seemed happy, and I was not, because I chose to think and to understand. So was my misery that even a beggar looked fortunate to me...
Should I call this an awakening, nah...theres only one darn sense in which I take the word "awakening" now. It looks like a new idea, an optimism a la the New World economy, where everyone has hope, equal rights, equal standing sans boundaries to contribute to the world as a whole, and not some hate-campaign.
I know this has no meaning, once taking an analytical stance. It really doesn't make any 'real' sense. These are just feelings, agreed, but I can't be devoid of feelings even while I am analysing. So, why screw up, why live in darkness, why not have positive feelings, instead?
Lets assert myself, I am a liar, I am highly prejudiced, I have no judgement, I lack analysis, fine! You won't be a human if you stop being one of the above...afterall, the so-called humans are nothing but a blend of every flavor of what I don't want to be.
Lets see, if I can accept myself the way I am, and not regret about what I am not, or what I couldn't be, what I need not be... I wish to stop worrying and do whatever I can to bring change towards somewhere. I need not be so sure about where would it all head to.. lets choose a path and carry on.
Right!, there is no 'real' change in me nor is it going to be, it 'feels' different right now, and I wanna live that feeling for as long as I can.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)