Why I won't like The Corrs anymore

... and I feel like I once did probably more than 10 years back, when as a kid, my toy-cars and board-games had at once, lost their meaning. The things that would keep me involved for hours started sounding the most foolish things to do. The favorite music, the favorite TV shows, which were a bunch of cartoon shows and their songs, could not have me interested anymore. I could no more enjoy making silly things with paper and sticking them together to claim my magnum opus, although nothing more than a paper-crow or a wall-hanging.

However, its different this time. Back then, I was probably so excited in the new phase of my life, that I didn't feel like I had really lost something, although I probably did which I realise at this point. There was a whole new world for me, waiting for me to be taken over by. There was hope, and promise for me everywhere. Although as an illusion, the control that I had over things was worth living for.

I can't like the pleasant sound of Corrs anymore, and I don't feel good about it. I wish I could just stay the same, kept my belief in love, faith, interdependence, instead of this mean rationality. I wish I never needed to present the lame existential arguments, just to live on. My religion taught me that uncontrolled desire kills you, so did the other religion that late J C preached. I wish I could have just held onto that belief.

I know I am sounding like an existentialist again, but I actually don't take that seriously either. I never knew that such duality would take me over. On one of the trips to home to Varanasi, when I was reading Nirmal Verma on the reflections of West on East, I was praising my culture, for it gave no space to duality. But here I am, failed and jaded, victim of what they call the duality of man, seeing rationality both as a helper of humanity, and an enemy of emotions. Things would never be the same.

The denial of everything, leads to confusion, chaos, and exposure to all what could harm you. The introspection that follows, asserts individuality, and certain other non-existent base of emotions, that only keep you away from the truth. You seem to be drifting away in a direction that you never wanted. But there is little you could do about it either way.

When I don't like Corrs, or found them 'corny' I like Rammstein, death metal, music that supports killings and annihilation, so that nothing remains alive, because nothing is alive, in this world of wankers, where everyone is making deterministic moves in the matrix. You feel hurt and find that hurting is what is going on everywhere, just that there are few who realise it, but most don't, and they call this ignorance as happiness.

Choose one- go back to your beliefs, or just be drifting into the chasms of individual accompolishments. I can't really postpone this belief for so long. Is that where the idea of judgement day came from?