This helplessness, this restlessness would never let me be in peace. What can be done to people who are at war with themselves, who support and oppose themselves, all the time?
In this movie Cinema Paradiso, the natural emotion is to cry when Salvatore 'Toto' wathces the clips his friend had given him as a last gift. I don't know why do we cry seeing that? Crying on your own love? Don't we end up loving just an image of someone in our mind, rather than the person itself, when falling in love. We can't accept someone in 'flesh' to abuse that image. We want to love the image, forever.
But whats the solution? Well, everyones got his own. Some people are strong enough to change the image or completely efface the 'beautiful' image and ideas they keep in their hearts. Others still cherish those, thinking that this is what makes them human, fearful of getting devoid of all feelings, if there is no 'love' one has. Sadly, i belong to the latter category, trying too hard to compromise with the world, but failing badly all the time...
World is full of failed love stories; where people gave their hearts, and promised to die for each other. But only some time later, the circumstances made them give it up. They are not 'happy' doing that, and they don't stay happy all the time, but they have to do it, for it was 'practical' in the given circumstances. Why does the unconscious not give it up to the conscious? ... Later, they try to hate each other, just to preserve the image which they love in their hearts, just to distance the persons from hearts, who seemed close to the images at some time, but seem filled with enmity right now. This hatred is artificial, completely made-up, just to keep oneself at peace. Thankfully, the animal instinct of not being able to see a your love with someone else, helps to aggravate the hatred, create the distance from the person. We go on loving the hatred we made up, putting charges from betrayal to promiscuity on the one we once loved.
The first woman that comes in one's lives does always the same thing. May be the first love should never fail, for it leaves such a scar that gets reopened everytime one wants to see his past. Wish it were true that... Its true that first love is just a flow of emotions sans practicality, but then that is the only point where you were ready to compromise anything and be ready for whatever may come. After that, once you have learned to compromise with the image in your heart, nothing remains for 'love'. Love does have no 'realistic' significance; its a 'pure' emotion. Once compromised, it remains just a spur of emotions driven by needs, not at all a purpose one wants to die for. I wish everyone could live that purpose. I wish I could do that...
We are an advanced civilisation. Aren't we? Why does this culture not give space to emotions of human beings? Why does this fucking mind think so much of things in the 'long-run' to make such decisions which keep emotions at the bottom ? Are those images in our hearts really, so alien?
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