Concentration?

In the last few years, I have only seen a decline in what I had, although not in terms of health or money (who cares?) I don't seem to have gained anything in these years, the years which are supposed to be the most fruitful in life of an average human being.

My interface with the real world, is not the same as it used to be. Somewhere, what "I" am started matter very much to me. Supporting this "I", advocating "my" things and ideas, I became someone who would never be accepted by average people. I don't know when did it start to happen, but now, there seems nothing that can absorb me back to the society. Not just because of my inability to become one "average" person, but also because of the sense of depravity I would be feeling for things which I ignored being a "different" person.

It is said that humans become more prejudiced as they learn. That can be explained with neuroscience too. At a higher level, thats what seems to be happening to me. I disregard establishment, education, religion...Everything that wants me to change myself. Somewhere, I feel that itself has left me in a deadlock rendering me unusable for anything at all. I am at war with myself, because neither can I be a totally detached "individual" nor do I have the courage to overcome the fear of "rejection" if deciding to go back to society.

An act of "Concentration" would want me to compromise over what I am doing already. I would have to force myself to drive me or my mind somewhere. This is precisely what I have been avoiding. My basic tendency is that of withdrawal now. No competition, no cooperation...Surviving on a vanity, which of course, doesn't have a meaning. (Afterall, meaning itself is only an observed phenomena. We mean what we think things to be)

I am in need of help - lacking the concentration needed to understand concentration.